Together Alone

I am sure those twelve people who read this blog recognize I am an introvert. Growing up in a world that prioritizes extroverts has forced me to face this fact of my existence. I am now visiting the family of my wonderful wife, Tarn, and find I need to frequently disappear and recuperate in a solitary space before returning to the throng. Her family has rather boisterous gatherings. Surrounded by activity and competing conversations causes me to observe more than participate. Although I can easily chat in a group setting, I am more comfortable one-on-one. 

Buddha suggested we avoid idle chatter but this is not always possible when one is surrounded by family. I watch my mouth form words in a feigned attempt to be included but soon I fall silent and watch the play unfold—a practice of seeing things as a dream. Ultimately, by inclination and karma, I have a meaningful connection with someone apart from the group. 

We all have differing personalities and priorities. It is important to practice mindfulness and let go of any judgements regarding what is important. If I say to myself, “this is only idle chatter”, it reinforces self-righteousness and alienates me from the group. If I express myself in the attempt to be more gracious, I am still distancing myself. Then Tarn’s sister-in-law says, “what’s nice about Michael is that he disappears when he needs to.” With those few words she points out the middle way. I aspire to gracefully disappear…

A male phainopepla perches in a cottonwood tree above us. He is all black except for very red eyes. The bird flashes a spiky crest as he looks down upon a 95th birthday gathering for Tarn’s mom. In a spontaneous flutter, splashes of white on the underside of his wings reflect sunlight and he suddenly flies away. He probably just needs some space …